ought not, but am
All things considered, I’m well adapted. I practically glide through the streets, end up at home without even thinking about routes or streets. The cold sometimes cuts, and the chatter and clatter of neighbors sometimes irks but it doesn’t phase me. Sure, I miss the quiet. The utmost serenity that comes from a much less densely populated plain. But I can go without, for months at a time even. The bills here are biting, and the pay never seems to take into account the education I’ve received to be here but I survive. Sort of.
All things considered, I am doing quite well. It is only when I let the blinders fall into place, when I forget to consider all things, that the ache comes. I miss the people who I once held most dear, who once held me quite dear. I wonder if I’ve proven something or accomplished anything here, and long to be close and relevant to the ones who know who I was before I ever left. It stings to know that proximity holds such ground, and that out of sight sometimes really does mean out of mind.
All things considered, I’m more than a bit needy. I have no right to ask for the attention I do. Nor do understand the insatiable hunger I have for such regard. I don’t want to interpret these wants as needs, and I intend to break the cycle of it all.
All things considered, I ought not complain. Ought not, but am.